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There are lots of benefits to being likeable. These include better relationships, more social support and increased chances of success. However, my goal in writing about this topic is not to encourage you to put on a show or be false. In fact, people tend to respect others more when they’re genuine. There are many ways to approach the topic of how to be more likeable at work. I could give you tips such as: be an active listener, stay positive, maintain eye contact when communicating etc. But, I mainly want to focus on communicating with humility and being intellectually humble.
Humility is a valuable virtue when communicating with others. This is especially true in conflict situations, when addressing challenges or delivering negative feedback. Communicating with humility means you can admit when you’re wrong — you also exhibit kindness, respect and openess when interacting with others. It’s very easy to point out other people’s weak points and failures. However, it’s difficult to admit when we’re wrong. We tend to expose others and cover up our own shortcomings. Why is this the case and what can we do?
The Neurological Basis for Cognitive Bias
It has a lot to do with how our brain works. Our brain is wired in such a way that it defaults to cognitive biases. In other words, neural networks cause our brain to systematically use shortcuts when processing information. This saves executive working memory. The problem is some of these shortcuts make us think we’re on point, when it’s not the case at all.
For example, the availability bias or anchoring effect may cause us to be overly reliant on the first information that we recall or encounter. As a result, we might make a suboptimal decision. But nevertheless, we confirm this decision by choosing information that supports it and dismissing information that’s contrary. So, we become very confident about our decision. We also feel good about ourselves because in our eyes we made a good decision.
If we admit we’re wrong, we may feel that our identity as a competent person would be tainted (our identity is one of our brain’s survival-tools that preserves a sense of self). In general our cognitive biases and desire to maintain our self-image make it difficult to admit when we’re wrong. But is being wrong really so bad?
The Pratfall Effect – How to be More Likeable at Work
In the business world most are taught to always be confident and self-assured. But contrary to what you might think, being able to admit your mistakes can make you a more likable person — it’s also how you can more likeable at work. This phenomenon is called the Pratfall Effect, first studied by Social Psychologist Elliot Aronson in 1966. He discovered that people who were considered highly competent became even more attractive after committing a small mistake or ‘pratfall’ of low consequence.
This effect can vary based on many factors such as level of perceived competence and gender. However, the takeaway is making mistakes and being able to admit them makes you more approachable, more human and thus more likeable. And let’s be honest: people communicate more openly with folks they like.
Intellectual Humility – How to be More Likeable at Work
Being able to admit when we’re wrong requires intellectual humility.
This psychological construct describes the degree to which people believe that their perspective might be wrong. Those who are intellectually humble recognize:
- there are gaps in their knowledge
- their beliefs might be wrong
- their opinions are based on limited information
Intellectual humility involves both social skills and personal characteristics:
- social skills include being: sincere, honest and thoughtful
- personal characteristics include being: open, curious, tolerant of ambiguity, self-aware and willing to learn
Here are some more common characteristics of people who are high in intellectual humility.
- willingness to admit mistakes
- no problem admitting uncertainty
- recognize limits of their knowledge and that they’re fallible
- value other people’s beliefs and perspectives
Research shows that having intellectual humility is linked to several positive outcomes.
- leaders are viewed more positively when they admit mistakes, highlight team member capabilities and show that they’re willing to learn
- people perceived as being humble tend to perform better at work
- those high in intellectual humility tend to make better decisions
- when people are humble they tend to help and support others
Here are some tips for enhancing intellectual humility.
- accept that your viewpoint is limited and you don’t always have the best solution
- be willing to admit when you’re wrong
- take a genuine interest in what other’s think
- consider others’ feelings and perspectives
- embrace and admit when you don’t know something
- ask questions to enhance your understanding
- continue to learn and gain new information
Summary
In this post we considered the importance of humility when communicating with other people. It’s easy to point out others’ weak points and failures. However, admitting when we’re wrong and considering our own shortcomings is not so easy. This is primarily due to our cognitive biases and desire to preserve our self-image.
Nevertheless admitting when we’re wrong can be advantageous. It can make us seem more approachable and human. The Pratfall Effect is a phenomenon that describes how people who are considered highly competent become even more attractive after committing a small mistake or ‘pratfall’ of low consequence.
Intellectual humility describes the degree to which people believe that their perspective might be wrong. Being intellectually humble is associated with many positive outcomes such as: better leadership, better work performance, better decision making and more helping behaviors. Communicating with humility — which requires intellectual humility — is one sure way to be more likeable at work.
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