Challenge Cognitive Distortions to Build Resilience Now (PsyCap 13)

In this series of posts, we are learning how to build the psychological capital (PsyCap) dimension of resilience using a cognitive behavioral therapy (cbt) approach. A major part of cbt is to identify and challenge cognitive distortions that limit our optimal psychological functioning.

We all at least on occasion have limiting, self-defeating considerations. Even if such thoughts are not severe enough for clinical diagnosis, they can still limit us from reaching our potential and becoming more resilient. Therefore, an important skill for building resilience is the ability to identify such thoughts, even as they are happening, and change them. As a result, we will not be weighed down by negative emotions that cause us to become cognitively inflexible. Rather, we will be better equipped to view events realistically and consider novel solutions to challenging situations.

So far, we have covered the following cognitive distortions:

Post 1:

• Filtering
• Polarized Thinking
• Overgeneralization

Post 2:

• Magnification (Catastrophizing) and Minimization
• Jumping to Conclusions – Mind Reading
• Jumping to Conclusions – Predicting
• Disqualifying the Positive
• Personalization

Post 3:

• Emotional Reasoning
• Control Fallacies
• Fallacy of Fairness
• Should Statements

In this post we cover the last five cognitive distortions:

• Labeling
• Fallacy of Change
• Blaming
• Always Being Right
• Heaven’s Reward Fallacy

13. Challenge Cognitive Distortions – Labeling

With this thinking pattern, you reduce yourself or others to a single usually negative descriptor. This word is a global label that you apply based on merely one event.

Labels are problematic because they are extremely self-limiting. Furthermore, they are a hindrance to building meaningful relationships as you define and judge others based on an isolated observation.

Labels don’t allow room for you or others to change. Once someone has a label everything that person does is filtered through or colored by this distorted perception.

If a customer does not thank you for your service, you may label that person as a “jerk”.

If you do not receive a job offer, you may label yourself a “failure”. This is a self-defeating way of thinking because if you are a failure, then all you can do is fail.   

Helpful Tips & Questions to Ask Yourself

• What is the definition of the label e.g., of a “jerk” or “failure”? You will probably realize that there is no such thing. You can also ask yourself if you really meet these requirements. For example, you cannot be a failure, because there are times when you succeed.
• Realize that there is a lot more to a person than the single label. Ask yourself questions about this person. What do you think their hobbies or favorite foods are?
• Imagine if people labeled you all the time. How would this make you feel?
• Labels are limiting. Why would I label myself and limit my growth opportunities?
• Challenge the labels. What do they mean? Why do they mean that? What evidence supports these labels?
• What are your strengths or achievements that don’t support the label you are giving yourself?
• Don’t let labels from yourself or others define who you are. Do I want to give these labels power over my emotional well-being?
• How about I give this person a second chance?

14. Challenge Cognitive Distortions – Fallacy of Change

This refers to the expectation that if others change, you will get what you want and feel happier. Those with this thinking pattern persistently try to get others to meet their requirements.

Change is often necessary, but if your feelings of success and happiness are tied to the behaviors of others then it is possible that your judgement is clouded by the fallacy of change.

Someone may constantly change jobs because they don’t like their boss. They might think that if they find an awesome manager, they will be much more satisfied at work. There may, however, be a deeper issue that needs to be solved, e.g., learning to seek a productive dialog and reaching out for help.

Another example is if you constantly try to get your team members to do things your way, because you feel it would make you happier. This will in fact probably have the opposite effect and lead to more dissatisfaction. You will be disappointed because things do not go as you hoped, and your teammates will find it very difficult to work with you.

This thinking pattern is often manifested by if / then statements, e.g, if they gave me a promotion, I would feel more motivated.

Helpful Tips & Questions to Ask Yourself

• Do I want my happiness to be tied to others’ actions?
• How would I feel if others always pressured me to change?
• Why am I spending so much time focusing on what others must do? What can I do in this situation to effect change?
• What need am I asking the other person to fulfill? Can I fulfill it myself? Realize that your self-worth does not depend on others.

15. Challenge Cognitive Distortions – Blaming

This is on the other pole of personalization. In this case one places the blame for negative feelings or situations entirely on others or external factors. Furthermore, they often view themselves as the victim.

For example, if one attributes their poor performance at work solely to external factors, then their assessment of the situation may be clouded by “blaming”. I missed my sales target because there is too much competition. I didn’t reach my goal because my colleagues were not supportive.

Another example is if someone snaps out at a customer and places the blame for their behavior entirely on the other person. If the customer had not been so rude, then I would not have snapped!

Helpful Tips & Questions to Ask Yourself

• When you feel like blaming reframe it as an opportunity for growth and development. How did my actions contribute to this outcome? What can I learn from this? What areas do I need to work on?
• When blaming you often have the desire to broadcast your dissatisfaction. This reinforces your negative feelings. Next time you are inclined to blame someone else try not to talk about it to others.
• We often blame others, because we are afraid to make mistakes and don’t like to be wrong. Realize that no one can be right all the time and as human beings we all make mistakes. Instead of viewing mistakes as something terrible, look at them as opportunities for learning.
• When blaming you relinquish control over outcomes in your environment. Realize that you are responsible for your own actions and results.

16. Challenge Cognitive Distortions – Always Being Right

This thinking pattern causes one to see their own opinions as facts. They cannot be wrong! Furthermore, contrary facts, feelings, and arguments are seen as invalid. One may even go to great lengths to “prove” that they are right, even when they are wrong.

If you always must be right, it can be difficult to develop meaningful relationships as the other person will constantly feel invalidated and discounted.

This can also be catastrophic for teams as differing viewpoints are helpful for arriving at the best solution. However, if you constantly feel to defend your idea beyond reason, this will waste a lot of time and energy. Furthermore, the team atmosphere will suffer. In addition, you more than likely will feel, disappointed, angry, and frustrated when your idea is not chosen.

One example of this thinking pattern in action is not being willing to admit your mistake and looking for all kinds of ways to show that you are actually right. Another example is defending your point in a meeting to an unreasonable extent when someone presents a contrary argument.

Helpful Tips & Questions to Ask Yourself

• What is so bad about being wrong? Is it possible to be right all the time?
• Why does the other person think this? Could this also be a valid point? Try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and see the situation from their perspective.
• Does being right make me feel better about myself as a person? Realize that your worth as a person does not depend on you being right.
• Is it worth it to painstakingly prove that I am right? Is it worth the feelings of frustration and anger that often accompany these arguments?
• Next time you have the urge to prove that you are right, try to gain more of an understanding for the other person’s viewpoint. Ask them questions. Ask them why they think this is the best way.
• When someone disagrees with you, don’t interpret it as if they are rejecting you as a person. Try to separate these matters.

17. Challenge Cognitive Distortions – Heaven’s Reward Fallacy

This refers to the assumption that one’s hard work, sacrifice and suffering will definitely pay off and one day they will receive the reward that they deserve. The reward varies from person to person but can be many things such as recognition, approval, or a raise.

The underlying thought is that if I sacrifice today then tomorrow there will be a reward. If I give up something now, I will be happier in the future.

People who suffer from this often assign self-worth based on what they do or how productive they are. If they don’t get the desired reward after so much hard work, then they are often embittered or disillusioned.

Imagine an employee gives their very best, but is not given a raise – they may feel greatly disappointed and quit.

Let’s say you constantly do extra work for the sake of the team, but are not recognized. You may eventually feel resentful towards your boss or teammates.

Helpful Tips & Questions to Ask Yourself

• Am I doing this because I am seeking someone else’s approval or recognition?
• Do things because you want to, not because you expect something from others.
• Realize that you have inherent value as person and that this does not depend on what you do or what others think about you.
• Try to focus on the value of here and now, not what could potentially come.
• Don’t focus on how others can reward you in the future. Ask yourself, “How can I reward myself now? What are the benefits today of my hard work and dedication?”
• How will I feel if I don’t get what I hope to in this situation? Come to terms with the fact that people often don’t get what they think they deserve.

Summary

With this post, we continued to learn how to identify and challenge cognitive distortions to build resilience. All of us at least on occasion have limiting, self-defeating thoughts that can hinder us from reaching our potential and becoming more resilient individuals.

By catching such thoughts and changing them, we will be better equipped to view events realistically and consider novel solutions to challenging situations.

We covered the last five cognitive distortions in this series and considered ways to counter them.

In the next article, we will practice identifying and adjusting cognitive distortions. Stay tuned for more personal development insights to better your work life!

Resources

Burns, David D. Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy. New York, N.Y: Penguin Books, 1981. Print.

Joyce S, Shand F, Tighe J, et alRoad to resilience: a systematic review and meta-analysis of resilience training programmes and interventionsBMJ Open 2018;8:e017858. doi: 10.1136/bmjopen-2017-017858

Knowles, S., Apputhurai, P., & Bates, G. (2017). Development and validation of the brief unhelpful thoughts scale (BUTs). Journal of Psychology & Psychotherapy, 4, 61-70.