Cultivate Resilience Now by Using This Awesome Technique (PsyCap 12)

In this post we continue our series on applying cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) techniques to cultivate resilience. A basic premise of CBT is thoughts, feelings and actions are interconnected. One explanation of this cognitive model is thoughts influence feelings which in turn affect behaviors. These behaviors then reinforce thoughts.

Let’s say I believe people don’t think I am competent. When my manager asks me a question in a meeting, I feel anxious, get flustered and can’t think straight – I’m afraid I will come across as dumb. To dodge the question I just say, “I am not sure”. I see the look in my manager’s face and can’t help but think I did something again that made me look incompetent.

A major part of CBT is to adjust cognitive distortions which are negative, inaccurate thought patterns. Cognitive distortions are problematic, because they are often a hindrance to critical thinking, problem solving, productivity and the ability to perform tasks effectively. With this series of articles I present 17 common cognitive distortions and how to counter them in order the build resilience.

In the first post I covered:

• Filtering
• Polarized Thinking
• Overgeneralization

In the second post I explained:

• Magnification (Catastrophizing) and Minimization
• Jumping to Conclusions – Mind Reading
• Jumping to Conclusions – Predicting
• Disqualifying the Positive
• Personalization

In this post I present:

• Emotional Reasoning
• Control Fallacies
• Fallacy of Fairness
• Should Statements

To cultivate resilience, it is important to learn how to identify negative thought patterns and adjust them. Resilient persons have a realistic view of themselves, i.e., are self-aware and can evaluate negative situations accurately. Therefore, they can respond ideally in challenging situations.

Let’s build resilience together by looking at the following distortions.

9. Cultivate Resilience by Countering Emotional Reasoning

This refers to considering your negative emotions as fact. Because one feels it, it must be true. This conviction can be so strong that it overrides facts and reasoning. For instance, you may feel like a failure, because on one occasion you performed poorly. Therefore, you believe that it is true. You may feel that no one likes you and therefore you are not likable. A further example is to feel overwhelmed by a task. If engaging in emotional reasoning, you may not even attempt the task or procrastinate. The feeling of being overwhelmed is in your consideration proof that you cannot handle the task, i.e., it must be insurmountable.

Helpful Tips & Questions to Ask Yourself

• What evidence is there to support my view?
• What evidence is contrary to my view?
• If the same thing happened to my friend, how would I help them? What would I say?
• Is it beneficial to feel this way?
• What are the consequences of feeling this way?
• Will I let this feeling dictate how I view the situation?
• Has my emotion clouded my judgement in the past? Is this happening right now?

10. Cultivate Resilience by Identifying Control Fallacies

Control fallacies are manifested in two ways. First, one may feel that they have no control over their environment or what happens to them and are helpless victims. They are like a piece of wood being pushed downstream and may feel the whole world is against them. There is nothing they can do.

The other manifestation is one feels that they have complete control over themselves and their environment. Furthermore, they believe that they are responsible for the feelings of those around them. Has a colleague of yours ever been unhappy and unresponsive? Maybe you have asked yourself what did I do wrong? In fact, it probably has nothing to do with you.

Let’s consider career advancement. Some may think that there is nothing they can really do to advance and have the attitude whatever happens happens. Others may think that career advancement only depends on themselves and because they were passed up on a promotion it is solely their fault. In fact, it could have been that the position did not align well with your long-term goals. Or someone else was more experienced, but this does not mean you did anything wrong.

Helpful Tips & Questions to Ask Yourself

No Control

• What are the aspects of this situation that are under my control?
• You can control how you think about this situation. Try reframing your thoughts for a more optimistic and/or self-compassionate outlook
• What are things that I can tweak in other areas of my life that may be helpful for me in this situation?
• What are examples of when I actively did something to reach my goal?

Complete Control

• Try to “let go”. This will help you to get a big load off your shoulders. You are not completely responsible for how others feel or what happens.
• What did others do to contribute to the outcome?
• Am I taking too much responsibility for what happened?
• What can I actually control? What is out of my control?
• Am I blaming myself for something that is not my fault?
• Ask a friend if they think the outcome completely depended on you?
• Reexamine your assumptions. Are they accurate and honest? Or are they a result of negative thoughts and feelings?

11. Cultivate Resilience by Countering the Fallacy of Fairness

This distortion comes into play when one has a strong conviction about what is fair. Those with this thinking pattern feel angry or resentful when things do not align with their sense of fairness. For example, one may experience great disappointment if their performance review was not as good as expected even though they worked hard all year and put in extra effort. This mindset causes one to judge every situation according to their own concept of fairness.

Helpful Tips & Questions to Ask Yourself

• Realize that fairness is very subjective. This means that what is fair to you is not necessarily the same for everyone. To counter this thought pattern, one must be willing to compromise and realize that fairness is not absolute.
• Is my belief about what is fair advantageous in this situation? Do I need to adjust my concept of fairness? What would be a more balanced way of viewing the situation?
• What hidden opportunities are there in this situation? Can I learn something?
• Is it worth it to feel angry?
• Depending on the situation it may be best to consider what you can control and focus your energy on that. What are aspects of this situation that I can influence?

12. Cultivate Resilience by Eliminating Should Statements

Such statements describe unrealistic demands that you place on yourself or others in the form of “should”, “ought”, or “must”. These unreasonable standards set you up to fail and cause you to live under a lot of pressure. As a result you feel anxious and when you do not measure up you feel guilty. If others don’t live up to your standards, then you may be disappointed or angry and think less of them.

For example, you think people should always be productive. This causes you to look down on someone if you think they are wasting time. Furthermore, if your every waking moment is not “productive”, you feel guilty and are always under self-imposed pressure to do something.

Helpful Tips & Questions to Ask Yourself

• How can I reframe my thoughts so that they do not include should statements?
• What thoughts would be more encouraging to me in this situation?
• How can I reframe my thoughts so that I use more self-compassionate language?
• Is it beneficial to be so hard on myself? Is the stress and anxiety caused by my expectations helpful?
• How can I adjust my statements so that they are more flexible and balanced, i.e., less absolute?
• Does this thought align with what I would like to do, or am I trying to live up to someone else’s expectation?
• Why do I think this? What is this thought telling me about myself? What is the root?

Summary

To cultivate resilience, it is important to learn how to identify and adjust negative thought patterns. Resilient persons view things in a balanced way. However, cognitive distortions cause us to have a skewed view of reality and limit how well we can respond in challenging situations.

In this post we considered:

• Emotional reasoning
• Control fallacies
• Fallacy of fairness
• Should statements

We still have another five distortions to cover. See the next post in this series for more tips on how we can use our distortions as an opportunity to build resilience.

Resources

Burns, David D. Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy. New York, N.Y: Penguin Books, 1981. Print.

Joyce S, Shand F, Tighe J, et alRoad to resilience: a systematic review and meta-analysis of resilience training programmes and interventionsBMJ Open 2018;8:e017858. doi: 10.1136/bmjopen-2017-017858