Taking Care of Yourself for More Resilience and Better Performance (PsyCap 17)

What comes to mind when you think about resilience? The most common thoughts probably include things like bouncing back, dealing with adversity and being stress resistant. In this article I would like to present a characteristic of resilience that is not talked about so much. It helps to explain why resilient people can effectively navigate adversity. The secret lies in taking care of yourself by exercising self-compassion and prioritizing self-care.

In the hustle of daily life taking time out for yourself often falls short. The squeeze of competing commitments is real, and we feel like there are not enough hours in the day. When things are so hectic, it’s no surprise we feel overworked and on the verge of burnout. And then when something crazy on top of that happens we get knocked down. We get stuck. It’s hard to respond optimally to the situation because we’re already exhausted and lack mental clarity.

So how do we get out of this cycle? How can we bounce back to reach our goals, even in the face of setbacks, challenges, and adversity? In this post I cover the benefits of engaging in self-compassion and self-care. It seems counterintuitive to take time out when we have so much to do. However, as I will discuss in this post taking care of yourself, will help you to be much more productive with the time you have. You’ll also feel more energized and have better mood.

Taking Care of Yourself by Exercising Self-Compassion

Self-compassion involves offering yourself the same care and comfort that you would naturally give a loved one who is suffering. Research shows that self-compassion has three main interrelated components: self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness. People who are more self-compassionate tend to have greater levels of happiness, life satisfaction and motivation. They also enjoy higher quality relationships, more physical health, and less anxiety and depression. Furthermore, self-compassionate individuals tend to be more resilient.

Self-Kindness

Those who exercise self-compassion are loving, forgiving, caring, and comforting towards themselves. We judge ourselves often and can’t seem to quiet the inner critic that deems anything less than perfect as unacceptable. Self-compassionate people realize that being imperfect, having setbacks and experiencing difficulties in inevitable. Instead of getting frustrated, stressed, or criticizing themselves when things are not ideal, they realize people can’t always be or get exactly what they want. By accepting this reality, you can be calmer and more composed, especially in a difficult situation.

Common Humanity

Sometimes when we suffer, we feel like we’re the only ones who are going through difficulties and everyone else is doing great. When being self-compassionate, you have the realization that suffering is part of being human and that imperfections, mistakes and failures are normal occurrences. This is contrary to seeing suffering as something that only you are experiencing. You realize you’re not alone.

Mindfulness

Self-compassionate people do not ignore their feelings, but rather directly confront them with a sense of care, support, understanding and tolerance. They take a balanced approach to observe their thoughts and feelings as they are. One the one hand self-compassionate people recognize their feelings and do not suppress them. On the other hand, they do not overidentify with these feelings to amplify them. Because self-compassionate people realize other people are also suffering, they see their own situation in a larger context.

This approach helps you to engage less in negative emotion regulation strategies like suppression or rumination (describes the tendency to dwell on and muse over negative emotions or events often resulting in emotional distress).

Example of Exercising Self-Compassion

If you make a mistake that causes your company to lose a major client, how would you feel? Perhaps anxious, depressed or disappointed. You may say to yourself, “how could I have done that, I’m through here” or “I am such an idiot”. This kind of thinking will probably lead to even more anxiety and depression.

If practicing self-compassion, you may ask how taking care of yourself can look in this situation. You would acknowledge your feelings in a non-judgmental way, realizing that mistakes and failures happen. You recognize that this could happen to anyone and that you’re definitely not an idiot. Furthermore, you might view the situation as a learning opportunity that can lead to greater success in the future. The reason for this not because your want to be perfect, but because you care about yourself and want to learn.

Taking Care of Yourself by Intentionally Practicing Self-Care

While self-compassion touches more the psychological aspect of how we deal with our failures and imperfections, self-care is much broader. It encompasses anything you do to take care of yourself so that you stay physically, mentally, and emotionally well. Self-care plays in important role in promoting resilient traits in individuals.

The beneficial effects of self-care include better overall well-being, less sickness, longer life-expectancy, and less money spent on healthcare.

Self-care does not mean being selfish or self-indulgent. Rather, you’re taking care of yourself so that you can be healthy and well and can help and care for others. Self-care is one way that we can cope with daily stressors. With all the demands of daily life and the need to be constantly connected, people are less able to unwind and slow down. This causes us to feel more anxious and overwhelmed even by small tasks.

Self-care is not the same for everyone. It entails checking in with yourself and asking yourself how you are doing? You identify what your needs are. When you take care of yourself, you can put your best foot forward and better react to the things that go on in your life.

There is a such thing as temporary self-care, like taking a nice bath once in a while. However, the greatest benefits come from enduring self-care in which taking time for yourself is part of your regular routine. Self-care can have a positive impact on your health, but you need to choose it and commit to investing in your well-being.

Categories of Self-Care

There are several ways to categorize self-care. Here are some common examples:

Nutrition

This entails paying attention to what you eat. You know what food is good for you and choose to have a healthy daily diet.

Physical Activity

You regularly exercise and stay active. Fitness is part of your daily life.

Social

Nurturing relationships with family and friends is important. You spend time and energy to build quality relationships.

Health Responsibility

You have a strong sense of accountability for your own well-being. This means you pay attention to your health, educate yourself about health and seek professional assistance when necessary. You also participate in preventative healthcare measures to avoid sickness and disease. This includes things like attending doctor’s appointments and doing regular check-ups.

Stress Management

You’re aware of how stressed you are and take steps to limit or reduce negative stress.

Mental

You participate in activities that are mentally stimulating and do things to promote your mental health.

Emotional

You process your emotions in constructive ways. This includes developing healthy coping mechanisms to deal with negative emotions.

Examples of Self-Care Activities

The main point of this list is to give you some ideas of how to take care of yourself. Of course some of these activities can be applied to multiple categories.

Nutrition

• Eat fruits and vegetables
• Drink tea
• Cook a healthy meal
• Make a salad
• Drink water

Physical Activity

• Go to the gym
• Go for a walk
• Stretch

Social

• Spend time with friends
• Call or write someone you care about
• Do something nice for someone
• Go out to eat with someone
• Meet new people

Health Responsibility

• Learn about how to stay healthy
• Go to the dentist
• Get regular check-ups
• Get enough sleep
• Take care of physical appearance

Stress Management

• Take a nice bath
• Do breathing exercises
• Go on vacation
• Take a break
• Get a massage
• Listen to music
• Watch a movie           
• Declutter and organize your space
• Set boundaries
• Spend time in nature

Mental

• Read a book
• Listen to a podcast
• Do a puzzle
• Write something
• Practice cognitive reframing when appropriate
• Pick up a hobby
• Learn something new
• Take a break from electronics
• Take a break from social media
• Practice self-compassion
• Avoid toxic people and environments
• Learn an instrument

Emotional

• Write down what you’re grateful for
• Build up healthy coping mechanisms
• Enjoy the sunshine
• Take some time out for yourself
• Reach out for help
• Talk with someone about your concerns
• Do something that makes you happy
• Don’t ruminate
• Let go of things you can’t control
• Forgive

Self-Compassion and Self-Care Exercise

Taking Care of Yourself by Exercising Self-Compassion

Describe a situation that caused you to be critical towards yourself.

Write down how you felt in this situation?

Acknowledge your feeling and accept it in a non-judgmental way. For example, say to yourself “This is a moment of suffering”, or “This makes me very angry”.

What critical words did you say to yourself in the situation you described before? How did you talk to yourself?

Now speak to yourself as you would to a loved one you were trying to comfort. Soften the tone. Use encouraging and supportive words.

Give yourself the compassion that you need.

Learn to accept yourself as you are.

Don’t be overly hard on yourself.

Consider that you are not alone in your suffering and that suffering is a part of life.

Write down what you said to yourself after considering the points mentioned above.

Taking Care of Yourself by Intentionally Practicing Self-Care

The point of this exercise is to get you started with a self-care routine. You can add more categories and activities as you build up.

Choose two categories of self-care you would like to work on:

1.)

2.)

What will you do to care for yourself in these areas:

Area of Self-Care	What Will I Do to Care for Myself?
1.)
2.)

Schedule one time slot of 30 minutes for each of these areas per week. Depending on the activity you may need to schedule more or less time.

What Will I Do to Care for Myself?	When will I do it (Day and Time)?
1.)
2.)

Choose one thing that you want to fundamentally change. I’m referring to things that will affect your daily life like building new habits or letting go of things. This may be eliminating something from your diet, going to bed at a regular time or cutting a toxic relationship.

One Thing I will Change

Plan how you will implement this and find someone to keep you accountable

What Steps Will I Take to Make This Change?	Who Will Keep Me Accountable?

Work towards this lifestyle change. It takes 2 or 3 months to build a new habit, so don’t give up. If you have a set-back, just keep going.

Summary

In this post I introduced taking care of yourself as one of the keys to being resilient. In this regard exercising self-compassion and intentionally practicing self-care are particularly effective.

Self-compassion includes three interrelated concepts of self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness. We are often critical of ourselves, but self-compassionate people are kind to themselves.

Instead of being overly hard on ourselves when we fail, we can talk to ourselves in the same way we would when comforting a loved one. We recognize and accept our negative feelings in a non-judgmental way. At the same time, we realize that suffering is just part of human life. This helps us to be balanced: one the one hand not to blow our feelings out of proportion and on the other hand not to suppress them.

Compared to self-compassion, self-care is broader and encompasses anything you do to take care of yourself so that you stay physically, mentally, and emotionally well.

Categories of self-care include: nutrition, physical activity, social, health responsibility, stress management, mental and emotional.

I also introduced you to a short exercise that helps you to exercise self-compassion and build up a habit of practicing self-care.

If you need professional assistance in these areas feel free to view my services page and reach out.

Take care!

Resources

Asensio-Martínez Á, Oliván-Blázquez B, Montero-Marín J, Masluk B, Fueyo-Díaz R, Gascón-Santos S, Gudé F, Gónzalez-Quintela A, García-Campayo J, Magallón-Botaya R. Relation of the Psychological Constructs of Resilience, Mindfulness, and Self-Compassion on the Perception of Physical and Mental Health. Psychol Res Behav Manag. 2019;12:1155-1166

Ayala, E.E., Winseman, J.S., Johnsen, R.D. et al. U.S. medical students who engage in self-care report less stress and higher quality of life. BMC Med Educ 18, 189 (2018).

Neff, K. D. & Tóth-Király, I (in press). Oleg N., Medvedev, O. N., Krägeloh, C. U., Siegert, R. J. and Singh, N. N. (Eds.) Handbook of Assessment in Mindfulness. New York: Springer.

Riegel, B., Dunbar, S. B., Fitzsimons, D., Freedland, K. E., Lee, C. S., Middleton, S., … & Jaarsma, T. (2021). Self-care research: Where are we now? Where are we going?. International journal of nursing studies, 116, 103402.

Walker, S. N., Sechrist, K. R., & Pender, N. J. (1995). Health promotion model-instruments to measure health promoting lifestyle: Health-promoting lifestyle profile [HPLP II](Adult version).